Raise your right hand

Unless it's been cut off, then raise your left hand

I, (state your name),

affirm to remain silent about the movie I am about to see.

I vow not to speak, post, share, or hint any plot points,

be they major or minor, good or bad, character or quote,

until two weeks have passed since the date of release.

In order to avoid leaking spoilers unintentionally,

I further attest that, in response to any queries

regarding my affection for this movie,

my answers will be reduced to the binary terms:

"Long Live Star Wars" or "Boycott Disney."

In this I swear,

in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Kenobi.

Cover me, Porkins.

I'm going in.